A drain-sculpted loc was the disgusting culprit. Had an excellent experience today getting our shower drain functioning again. I wasn't feeling very creative today, but I did enjoy the emphera gifts from RS today. We're all practicing with the same yamas and niyamas, but we end up on all different sides. It's easy to assume we're all aligned on some values, because there's ethical standards and guidelines we all agree we adhere to. When I think about the "Yoga Therapy Community", it's really pretty big. When there is an overlap in values, it creates the structure needed to grow trust and love. In order to have supportive connection, we need to have values alignment in addition to common interests. It made me think a lot about how community can be so multilayered, it starts from mere shared interests, but that can only create a really superficial connection. The conversation got steered back to community and friendship. When you add that to my family, my Mother's ever evolving abuse, including moving constantly, it's no wonder I feel like I never fit in comfortably and feel sometimes at a loss as to how to have relationships with people. If you just took the instances of sexual assault and harassment I've experienced over my lifetime alone, without taking into account all the stuff from my Mother and family, it is terrible and traumatic. My life has been shaped tragically by white men behaving horribly. Particularly because it's the same kind of disappointment. How I've been trying to become a part of this community and grow into working on studies for yoga interventions around aging and hospice care, but now this and it hurts. I burst in with how I'm really getting hit hard by Richard Miller and iRest's revelations. Ironically, we were talking about friendship and community. I also cleaned the kitchen floor, which helped physically burn off some of the energy of the shame of sharing. ![]() It makes it easier to tell Whinnie to fuck off. For years it was just the somatic overload of crushing, physical shame, now at least I get the rest of the message. I'm getting better and figuring out what she's saying to me, discerning the exaggerations and outright lies more quickly now. You derailed the whole conversation and made it all about YOU! You talk too much, you monopolize everyone's time. You shared TOO MUCH! What were you thinking? No one wants to know terrible details about your life? Even your therapist doesn't really want to hear it, they have to. I shared emotional stuff today with my close yoga community and ever since I've been awash in remorse in the form of a barrage of self-judgement coming from Whinnie, my Inner Asshole.
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